Thursday, November 5, 2009

it's always that part of me

i think i have this sickness that when i fall in love with something to much, it will NEVER last. it may stay for weeks, months, years even. but when the hype is gone, it's gone forever. i guess that's why i have this fear, this fear to never get attached to anything, to never love anybody or anything fully. why? because i know i will lose them if i will. that's probably why i never cry over things, or get emotional about anything, because i was never really attached to them in the first place. i lost someone i loved so much once before. i'm not sure anything can be more painful than that. whether consciously or not, i choose not to give myself fully because of fear of losing myself. i don't know if i can do anything about it. it's sad, but it's the truth.

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