oh and i've made up my mind. i will find the right time to tell you in your face what i should have said long ago. but i don't know when that right time is. i can't tell you now cause it's christmas. and i'm scared to tell you within the school year because we are forced to work together. and even when the school year is over, i'm still worried that telling you might ruin our barkada now. so if you think about, there's never really a right time. but i have to. i think at some point, i have a right to be selfish. besides, i don't think i've been anything close to a lover. i've always been the heartbreaker. i'm cold like that. and i guess that's what i'm about to do again, as much as i hate doing it. this is obviously proof that i should not have anyone just yet. i don't like being pulled down cause that's how i always feel. so i've finally placed a "standard" on when i think i'm ready - when i meet someone who can push me up rather than bring me down, i know i can finally settle. but until then, i'll just be me.
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