my mom and i were talking about my cousin who always has a new girlfriend every couple of months or so. it's not that he's chik boy. it's not like he cheats or double-times his girls. when one thing doesn't work out, he just moves on really fast and anothes one follows before you could hear news about his break-up. so i asked him one time why he does that. i asked him that even if he knows that 90% of his relationships aren't anything serious or won't end up anywhere in the future, why does he still pursue them or why does he pour so much time and energy for these kinds of things. i expected some really long complicated answer about his feelings or about his ego, but he simply said that he just needs someone to inspire him. he needs someone to motivate him and make him a better person. he doesn't think much about the future or why he's jumping into something so quickly. he doesn't think about it at all. he just does it cause it makes me feel good for the moment.
sometimes i envy him. i thought planning and thinking about things would be the wiser step. like eventually i'd realize that i'd be happier. but if it's a question of happiness, i don't think i can confidently say that i'm any happier.
sometimes i wish that it would just happen. without thought or any worry in the world, i could just ALLOW myself to let it happen. but i think i'm too much of myself for it to ever happen now or at least in the near future.
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