and i can see

You with the sad eyes
don't be discouraged
oh I realize
it's hard to take courage
in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you
can make you fell so small

But I see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

Show me a smile then
don't be unhappy, can't remember
when I last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy
and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up
because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

why the internet sucks

facebook is officially the source of all evil. if you do not want to sin, do not check facebook. not only is it a major distraction, it shows you things you don't want to see. i wish i just never opened it.

emotional shit again

here i go again hating you.

sadly, i don't even have any real reason for hating you except for the fact that you and me just don't get along the way we're supposed to.

-

thank you for not letting me go through this emotional shit alone. i don't know how much more gay we can get by writing anonymous blog entries to each other.

i sing i swim

i will tell you honestly. if you ask me right now, at this very moment, i would say yes.


i can't promise i would say the same thing the next time around.

you can just call me

"...everything's out there, all the feelings, that's better right?"

i didn't know i could actually pick up something from glee. with all the crap i've been going through this week, that final song hit me hard. i may not have a group of amazingly talented singing friends but i do have friends who care, and that's enough for me. :)

you really got a hold of me

in reference to what i wrote not so long ago, i finally found the word for it. i never knew such a word even existed:

i guess that's why i have this fear, this fear to never get attached to anything, to never love anybody or anything fully. why? because i know i will lose them if i will.


but you know what, last night was the first time in a long time that i didn't feel scared. it felt good to be with you. i hope i'm doing it right.

i wish it was you

why do you disappear when i need you the most?


edit: i think the heavens heard me. thank you. :)

walking on sunshine

here's the deal.

last night was crazy. and somewhat expected too. but hey, i think i'm getting better at handling these things, or maybe it's just because i'm kind of used to it already, or maybe because my perspective of things has changed. perspective? who are you kidding? just say it - feelings. fine, i said it. whatever the reason is, i didn't hate it as much when i woke up compared to how much i hated it before. as usual, i talked to people. and as usual, i thought about it. then that was when my moment of revelation came - i should really stop thinking about it. not that i've diverted from the track i already set myself on. yes, i still don't want anything. but now i think i'm more open. i used to think about things too much, and how everything must fit into how i wanted it be. but i can't remember the last time i just stopped thinking and let things just happen.

it's so funny how my main concern was just how i look to other people. seriously, why should i even care? but honestly, it's harder said than done. sometimes i can't help but care. well, the only conclusion i can come up with now is that i have to try.

so here i am. and i decided to give you a shot. no judgements, no biases, no anything. i'm actually going to give you a real chance. let's both hope that it works for the both of us. and let me be honest (though i will never really tell you that's why i'm writing it down here), this is a big leap for ME. i hope i made the right decision to trust you.

it's always that part of me

i think i have this sickness that when i fall in love with something to much, it will NEVER last. it may stay for weeks, months, years even. but when the hype is gone, it's gone forever. i guess that's why i have this fear, this fear to never get attached to anything, to never love anybody or anything fully. why? because i know i will lose them if i will. that's probably why i never cry over things, or get emotional about anything, because i was never really attached to them in the first place. i lost someone i loved so much once before. i'm not sure anything can be more painful than that. whether consciously or not, i choose not to give myself fully because of fear of losing myself. i don't know if i can do anything about it. it's sad, but it's the truth.